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July 1, 2008
Question
Once again I have let myself get caught up in a relationship that is very difficult on me. I always end up helping the other but for all appearances it brings me down though I do grow. Currently I wonder if I haven't let myself be very manipulated by my current (3 year) boyfriend. Even with obvious lies and angry and violent outbursts from him, I still feel protective enough not to take the hard road and just give him the boot. I wish to ease myself out of this relationship. Am I fooling myself and should I do this in one strong sweep? Why do I continue to do this?
Answer I believe you continue to do this because it's a familiar pattern and that's where we, as human beings, tend to go first. It takes much more effort to wait and find a different kind of relationship. I suggest you plan to spend plenty of time "alone" if you choose to leave. That helps change your focus and invite in a time to learn new lessons instead of old ones.
Thank you for your thoughtful question. At least you read your own energy quite well - you are exactly right. You are putting yourself in very similar learning situations. The important thing to realize is that you've learned those lessons already - no need to repeat them. If this relationship is as unhealthy as it sounds, I suggest you remove yourself from it as soon as possible. Don't wait for an excuse, and there's not usually a "gentle" alternative to ending this kind of relationship. You have to be strong and aware as you move into a healthier space. You have plenty of strong energy to do just that.
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